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#04. Shut up with the Literary Pokémon Things Now.

MEANWHILE, BACK IN JUBILIFE CITY

Poke.. itch?


....then why don't you just call it a Pokéwatch?


What'd you call me?


...clowns.


Uh.. huh. Sure why not. There's no way trusting strange clowns could go wrong.


"POKEMON GOT TYPES BUT SO DO MOVES YES OR NO."



"POKEMONS CAN HOLD SHIT. YES OR NO."



"I'M DEAD INSIDE AND WISH I HADN'T DROPPED OUT OF LAW SCHOOL. YES OR NO."



THERE ARE THREE, YOU JACKASS.



Well hot dang, junk for my wrist.


Well good maybe it'll be less tacky with some more stuff.

Choro Notes: Pokétch explanation time!
The Pokétch takes over your bottom screen once you get it, it's the PokéGear/PokéNav whatever of this game, it's actually pretty awesome. Eventually. Let's check the half-useless default apps!


Digital Clock. It's a clock.. that's digital. Touch it and it lights up! Great for the early mornings before a fishing trip when you're waiting for a friend to wake up.


Calculator. It's a calculator. Cute little quirk, say you put in 1+3, once you hit = it'll play Chimchar's cry. Why? He's the fourth pokémon in the Sinnoh Pokédex. It'll play cries of the equivalent answer.


Pedometer. See how many steps you've taken. Press the button to reset it.


Team Lineup. This is the most useful one for the most part. (And I miss it in Heart Gold.) It shows your current HP percentage and whether your pokémon are carrying items. Poke a pokémon to hear its cries.


-THE NEXT DAY-



Let's head.. west. Jorge went East.


[>N- Yes?]


"And no that's not some sort of euphemism. "


...thanks.


Oh well there we go then.


...this is boring.


Oh!


Oh.


Ooh...

Magikarp

Said to be the world's weakest Pokémon, Magikarp is a pathetic excuse for a Pokémon that is only capable of flopping and splashing. This behavior prompted scientists to undertake research into it. Magikarp is virtually useless in battle as it can only splash around. However, it is actually a very hardy Pokémon that can survive in any body of water no matter how polluted it is. Its swimming muscles are weak, so it is easily washed away by currents. In places where water pools, you can see many Magikarp deposited there by the flow. It may jump high on rare occasions, but never more than seven feet. This does, however, make it easy for predators like Pidgeot to catch it mid-jump. In the distant past, it was somewhat stronger than the horribly weak descendants that exist today. A Magikarp living for many years can supposedly leap a mountain using Splash . . . the move remains useless, though.
Choro Notes: . . . Jesus christ, the Pokédex is so fucking mean to poor Magikarp.
HulkaMatt Notes: Magikarp is absolutely amazing. I bought one for 500P and have never regretted it. They're worth it.
 Stalgren sort of named this.


Maybe there's something else?



Nope, this sucks. Fishing sucks. Magikarp sucks. I'm going back into town.


Choro Notes: Jubilife City's specialty items. Air Mail is just mail. You give it to a pokémon you're trading. Heal Balls are pink and white pokéballs that heal the pokémon you catch with if fully. So, they're only useful in that regard if you have less than six in your party. But hey! Pink!.


There's also a Quick Claw in the condominiums north of the shop. Quick Claw is a hold item that randomly lets the holder go first in battle. Works well on slow pokémon like Turtwig.


"Not like boring regular rocks and grass."


East it is! Wait what is—


I'm plenty tough.


Just because your monkey is bleeding less doesn't mean you're tougher, Jorge.


Sure, alright.
Music: Rival Battle Theme



-Kinda tackle it once, it growls.-


-Starly just keeps growling, which of course means this:


is happening a lot.


. . . you know screw it. We need Voltron.


Nice going Jorge, kept fighting a cat with a bird.


""
You remember what the snapping turtle-chimp relationship is, right Jorge? Maybe you should just concede now.



Jorge, c'mon man. Type advantage is not in your favor. turtle-types beat monkey-types. Everyone knows that.


Dammit Jorge.


Yes, you are out of usable Pokémon. That constitutes a loss.





..world's toughest spaz maybe.


No, Jorge. Go heal your dudes. No the Pokémon Center's not that—

...that kid's gonna get beaten up by a bidoof.

Ok, new route. What do we have out here...

Cat... thing. Well it's asleep so



.....

THEY CAN DO THAT?!


AHA!


STAR TREK TECHNOLOGY! SCORE!

Abra

Abra needs to sleep for eighteen hours a day. If it doesn't, this Pokémon loses its ability to use telekinetic powers. If it is attacked, Abra escapes using Teleport while it is still sleeping. Observation has revealed that it teleports to another location once every hour. If it decides to teleport randomly, it creates the illusion that it has created copies of itself.
Choro Notes: Abra's Abra. Same ol' lil bastard you remember from Red/Blue. Teleport, that's all he gets unless you throw a TM on him. Once he evolves into Kadabra at L.16 he's got sp. attack comparable to Charizard and the other fully evolved starters. Combine that with his lightning speed and you've got one of the best special sweepers in the series and he's not even fully evolved.
HulkaMatt Notes: ABRA ROCKS, AMONG MY FAVORITE POKEMON. GETTING TO CERULEAN CITY AND CATCHING ONE WAS AMAZING LIKE, OK. Just trust me on this. I know they like to teleport away, but it'll be worth it. Like, TRUST ME, it will. And when you realize how great it is you'll be like "Whoa, HM was right. Thanks, man." and I'll be like "Your welcome, any time."
 Silhouette named this.

Other things in this field:

Crickets!


Kricketot

Kricketot communicates by shaking its head back to front, causing its antennae to hit each other and sound like a xylophone. Its legs are short, so it stumbles, making a sound as it does. This Pokémon's sounds are fall hallmarks.
Choro Notes: Kricketot's kind of like Abra except that instead of Teleport, it gets Bide. Also it can't get TMs. So, you're stuck with it only Biding and Growling until it evolves...
HulkaMatt Notes: First impression with Kricketot was not great. I didn't like them much at first.

Teleporting cat-fox-things, electric cats, tiny birds, guinea pigs and musical crickets. All these things living so close to my house and I never knew!


Also children. (Dallas?)


Choro Notes: Now. Here's the thing about Kricketot. If you read my note up there, they only learn two moves: Growl and Bide. So in battle they're completely reliant on your opponent. Bide makes Kricketot "store energy" for two turns. What this means is however much damage is dealt to kricketot in that time, he'll store it up. On the third turn, he'll unleash that damage, dealing twice the amount back.



...even I'm amazed how that worked out.


You probably should feel that way, yeah.


That's a good tactic. Is everyone out here as dumb as this?


I dunno if I trust entering a cave.


Dangit, why am I always right? WHY?!


Stop looking at my things and my nonexistant awkwardness



....Are all hikers as generous as- Wait you're not gonna send me on an errand now, are you?


Tch, was headed there anyway. Now I've just got even more of a reason.


Outta my way, I'm way out of your league.


What? No they ca


That... was a thing.

Zubat

Zubat remains quietly unmoving in a dark spot during the bright daylight hours. It does so because prolonged exposure to the sun causes its body to become slightly burned. While living in pitch-black caverns, their eyes gradually grew shut and deprived them of vision. They use ultrasonic waves to detect obstacles.
Choro Notes: ZUBAT. Funnily enough, despite being common as all get, Zubat are actually pretty good monsters. They've got decent abilities and their typing makes them double resist fighting, grass and bug-type attacks. They got the ability to learn Fly in Gen4 so they're ok Fly-bitches.
HulkaMatt Notes: Fucking great pokemon. Horrifically underappreciated. So you've seen one 1000 times in the last 5 minutes, so what? They're awesome.
Also shiny ones are green. Holy shit.
 Silhouette named this.


This cave isn't even 20 paces across.


Choro notes: She only had a Bidoof or something stupid. The only reason I screencapped this is because:


WOO!



Kricketune

Sound echoes through the cavity in Kricketune's body as it cries. Crossing its knife-like arms in front of its chest, it can compose melodies ad lib. It signals its emotions with its melodies. Scientists are studying these melodic patterns. There is a village that hosts a contest based on the amazingly variable cries of this Pokémon.
Choro Notes: Kricketune is one of my favorite bug-types. If you can put up with Kricketot it's a decently strong monster early on. Plus you gotta love its cry and dapper moustache.
HulkaMatt Notes: Here i'll be honest. I thought these were shit until i saw Red do shit with one and I learned to love.

Alright, no more getting punched in the face, bottling it up, then exploding at a job interview in the future for you!


Let's try your new ability out on that duck thing.


Psyduck

Psyduck is constantly wracked by a headache. When the headache turns intense, it begins using mysterious powers. When it does so, it goes into an altered state that is much like deep sleep. For this reason, Psyduck apparently can't form a memory of such an event and won't remember using these powers. This discovery spurred controversy among scholars.
HulkaMatt Notes: I really like Psyduck. I think they're swell. I mean yadda yadda GOON INFLUENCE and all that but Psyduck was a Pokemon I always liked.
Choro Notes: Psyduck is quite possibly one of the worst water-types I've ever seen.



All in all, it was a good day.



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