Pokémon FireRed - Chapter 32: I'm Cold and Wet and I Think I Swallowed a Goldeen. :(

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Chapter 32: I'm Cold and Wet and I Think I Swallowed a Goldeen. :(

Alright, Adon. This begins your basic training.

Hmm, I was kinda hoping you could get Aerial Ace like Hitmontop...

So this'll have to do.

Most falling rocks follow a completely predictable pattern and only ever really fall a couple on the screen at a time.

Pff, hell yeah I want that. I mean if this is still Zelda logic, causing those Rock Slides is pretty coo'.

Rock Slide you. Ahahahaha, no I'm just fuckin' with ya. Hey, how the hell do I get out of here?

Awesome, alright Adon. Show em your super awesome Brick Break technique. Just like I told ya.

Excellent.

Man, what is with that stupid bird?

I'd say it's investigation time.

Nobody's coming near me, I wonder why.

STARMIE.

Alright, that fucker's in here somewhere. I know it.

Not a bird.

NOT A BIRD. NOT A BIRD!

I think I caught a vampire.

#042. Golbat J:Golbatto G:Golbat F:Nosferalto

_{Bat Pokémon

Height: 5'03" Weight: 121.3lb

Habitat: Caverns Types: Poison/Flying

Stage1: Evolves from Zubat

Golbat loves to drink the blood of living things. It is particularly active in the pitch black of night. This Pokémon flits around in the night skies, seeking fresh blood. It becomes active on inky dark moonless nights, flying around to attack people and Pokémon. Golbat prefer to strike from behind, surprising their prey. Golbat bites down on prey with its four fangs and drinks the victim's blood. Its fangs easily puncture even thick animal hide. When it plunges its fangs into its prey, it instantly draws and gulps down more than ten ounces of blood. Once it strikes, it will not stop draining blood from the victim even if it gets too heavy to fly.}

_{Gtab named this.}

Alright Adon, this is where you come in.

Hmm...

This is just how I wanted to spend my afternoon, pushing rocks into holes.

*yawn*

Hey, that sounds like...

WATER. WET WATER.

Boy it's a good thing I have a prehistoric horseshoe crab with a thirst for fluids. Gee I dunno where I'd be then.

Stupid nature, not having safety rails or warning signs. Why can't it be more like ma vidya games?

. . .

. . . D:\ What the hell is wrong with it's head?

#086. Seel J:Pawou G:Jurob F:Otaria

_{Sea Lion Pokémon

Height: 3'07" Weight: 198.4lb

Habitat: Oceanic Types: Water

Seel's light blue fur that covers it keeps it protected against the cold. It loves iceberg-filled oceans. Seel hunts for prey in the frigid sea underneath sheets of ice. When it needs to breathe, it punches a hole through the ice with the sharply protruding section of its head. In daytime, it is often found asleep on the seabed in shallow waters. Its nostrils close while it swims.}

_{I think Gtab named this too.}

I think it's that first little thing's wife. D:

And it has a PENIS. D:

#087. Dewgong J:Jugon G:Jugong F:Lamantine

_{Sea Lion Pokémon

Height: 5'07" Weight: 264.6lb

Habitat: Oceanic Types: Water/Ice

Stage1: Evolves from Seel

Dewgong loves to snooze on bitterly cold ice. It sleeps under shallow ocean waters or on ice floes during the day, then looks for food at night when it's cold. The sight of this Pokémon sleeping on a glacier was mistakenly thought to be a mermaid by a mariner long ago. Its streamlined body has little drag in water—Dewgong swims at a steady 8 knots even in intensely cold waters. The colder the temperature, the friskier it gets. It uses its long tail to change swimming direction quickly.}

_{Broken_Loose named this.}

D-did the bird put this here?

Hmm, boulders. This will take all of my skill.

HOLY CRAP THAT WAS AMAZING.

. . .

VISCER YOU BETTER BE DOWN THERE TO CATCH MEEEEE_{EEE_EEE}.

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

Hell of a Jaguar Kick, Adon. Hell of a Jaguar Kick.

#130. Gyarados J:Gyarados G:Garados F:Leviator

_{Atrocious Pokémon

Height: 21'04" Weight: 518.1 lbs

Habitat: Oceanic Types: Water/Flying

Stage1: Evolves from Magikarp

Gyarados has an extremely aggressive nature. The Hyper Beam it shoots from its mouth totally incinerates all targets. When Magikarp evolves into Gyarados, its brain cells undergo a structural transformation. It is said that this transformation is to blame for this pokémon's wildly violent nature. Once Gyarados goes on a rampage, its ferociously violent blood doesn't calm until it has burned everything down. There are records of this pokémon's rampages lasting a whole month. Brutally vicious and enormously destructive, Gyardos are known to have totally destroyed cities in ancient times. When humans begin to fight, it will appear and burn everything to the ground. They say that during past wars, Gyarados would appear and leave nothing but a wake of blazing ruins. Thankfully, they are rarely seen in the wild.}

_{Stalgren named this.}
DGAGRAAAAAAAAAAGH >:O

. . .

_{Choro Notes: Pokémon Diamond/Pearl - Legendary Pokémon}

IT'S ALREADY COLD AS HELL IN HERE.

Alright, now that it's asleep

SCREAM AT IT! KILL THE BRAIN! _{Nevermind the Icicles on the roof.}

"Boy I could use a nice glazed ham right now."

You've got about 5 minutes of consciousness left, I suggest you use them wisely.

"This one better not try to eat me like the other one did..."

Stupid bird.

_{Choro Notes: An hour later. _{I am not exaggerating this.}}

ABOUT TIME. STUPID ASS FUCK BIRD. t:mad:

#144. Articuno J:Freezer G:Arktos F:Artikodin

_{Freeze Pokémon

Height: 5'07" Weight: 122.1lb

Habitat: n/a Types: Ice/Flying

Articuno is a legendary bird Pokémon that can control ice. The flapping of its wings chills the air. As a result, it is said that when Articuno flies, snow will fall. The magnificent, seemingly translucent wings of this creature are said to be made of ice. Articuno is said to appear to doomed people who are lost in icy mountains.}

Otoro, let's get the hell out of here. Sick of these damn caves and you look like you could use a ham.

_{_{_{God fuck you Articuno and your shitty catch rate.}}}

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